those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
that is very illegal...i love you.
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