she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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