Non-Jews are for practice
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
