I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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