Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
