i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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