If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
