I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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