Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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