So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
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