Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
