A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
