what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
