i would punch a child for taco bell
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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