I wish I only lived at night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
