he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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