he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
