yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
