hotel room ftw
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
