the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
