Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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