So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How does one acquire holy water?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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