the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
