i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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