The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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