I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
