guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
