Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
