dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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