I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I die, sorry about rent.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize