Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
