In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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