It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
