i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize