Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
