Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
