I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
