Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
