just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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