I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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