I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
