so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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