I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
