you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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