i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dear god my vagina.
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