and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I could fuck to npr.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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