Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
