just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
