You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
