so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
