she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
