I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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