well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
