Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
