1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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