o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
