I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
