he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
