When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
