In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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