There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
