We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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