Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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