dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
