Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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