in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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