Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize