if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize