Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
