Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
