Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
