If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
